Yesterday I was flying high – enjoying discussions about the future of Trunk Novels, brainstorming ideas for marketing and sponsorships that would bring in much needed revenue to promote and help place Trunk Novels in bookstores and mainstream online retailers. Feeling generally rosy and positive about the future.
Today, as I keep working on my current novel In The Time Of Dying – nearing the End, actually – I’m struck with the strong, utterly convincing truth that I suck. That nothing I write is marketable in today’s publishing economy, I’ll never score an agent – or midlist publisher – and I am destined to wallow in the mire of the unknown.
Tomorrow is anyone’s guess, but most likely I’ll be even that much closer to The End in my current novel and feeling higher than the proverbial kite, convinced of my capable storytelling abilities, ready to practice book signings and day dreaming of what it will be like to read about myself in the local papers.
Friday will be interesting – if the pattern holds, I’ll be ripping my manuscript into kitty litter shreds and going out for a few Bahama Mama’s (extra shot of rum please, thanks).
I know I’m not the only writer who goes through these highs and lows. Even the big-name, major league, published authors admit to feeling this way off and on. So it has less to do with my abilities or lack thereof, and more in keeping with a creative mind – or so I like to think.
This morning I joked about being destined for a life as an underground cult classic, while my friends will go on to become “Literary Ahhtists“. But even as I typed those words, I started to think “would that be so bad?” Would it really be considered a failure if I did manage to achieve Underground Cult status?
What do I want out of writing?
To have my work read, and enjoyed, by strangers.
To have other people love these characters as much as I do.
To entertain, provide an enjoyable escape from the everyday that can be revisited and shared.
To earn a few bucks.
To earn a little respect as a writer and storyteller.
All of these goals could be easily, and probably more satisfactorily achieved if I were to manage Underground Cult status. Buck the “system”, avoid “the man”, go boldly into that which no man has — well, let’s not get carried away.
But how does one achieve Underground Cult status? I have no idea. But if I make it, I’ll be sure and let you all know.