I had the most ridiculous conversation with someone today, and it’s prompted me to mention, in case anyone’s under a false assumption . . .
I don’t read your Facebook.
Regardless of who you are, I don’t read your Facebook. There are a few blogs I look at, semi-regularly, and during the week I check my email every evening. But I don’t read your Facebook. (it’s not personal, I don’t read anyone’s)
So if you’ve had a baby recently, gotten a new job, experienced some fantastic news, won the Lotto, lost a limb to a shark attack, grown a third eyeball, bought a new car or sold your house – if you’re writing your memoirs, sold a script, taken to shoving pencils up your left nostril out of frustration – if your family has disowned you or you’ve sold your eldest child to gypsies, if you’ve dropped your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/significant other, you’re considering a career change, bought some new gym equipment, got something waxed, married your parrot.
If you’ve stopped communicating with me because you’re busy posting all of your pertinent information on Facebook – if you start conversations based on the assumption that I’ve been checking your updates every five minutes – if you fail to let me know of some important event because you’d already updated your status – if you’re flying under the assumption that Everyone who’s Anyone already knows Every Little Ever-Lovin’ detail of your day-to-day existence because Everyone who’s Anyone reads your updates and would already know Everything there is to know about YOU, just keep in mind . . . Regardless of who you are . . . if there is something happening in your life that you’d like me to know, you’re gonna have to tell me because . . .
I don’t read your fucking Facebook.
The Velvet Zebra 
From what I understand, in order to read someone’s Facebook information, you have to participate in Facebook yourself. But I don’t want to participate in Facebook. So I don’t participate in Facebook. Therefore, I don’t read their fucking Facebook either.
Gee, it really felt good to get that out.
Didn’t it? Yeah, you’re right, I think you have to sign up in order to even view someone’s fucking Facebook, which I refuse to do, and I don’t feel the least bit bad about it. If Facebook is “the future” I’ll happily be left behind. Where people actually talk to each other.
Check. Got it.
Let’s see, I got a new high Farkle score and wished someone you don’t know a happy birthday. That’s about all you missed not following me on Facebook.
Ah, I am not the only one left on the planet that doesn’t check Facebook, post to Facebook, read or play games in Facebook. Might have to refer people to this post when they give me weird looks after I say “I don’t use Facebook.” It’s not so weird after all. 😀
I’m going to link this on Facebook. All my friends will love it.
I’d start a social network of anti-Facebookers, but that would defeat the point 😀