Hello darkness, my old friend

Every weekday morning, I’m up at 5:30, and leaving the house for work around 6:10 or so. Now that we’ve fallen back for daylight savings – or the end of daylight savings, or whatever that really is – it’s dark when I leave the house. My workday ends at 3:30,  and already it’s getting dark.

By the time I’m home, usually around 4:00, it’s dusk for sure. Relax for a few minutes, unwind, and it’s dark outside.

I dunno about you, but when it’s DARK outside, my brain says “Okay, it’s late, you’re in for the night.”  There’s no going outside to work on a project in the garage, there’s no desire to run errands or go shopping somewhere, and no energy to putz around or play with anything like I would during summer.

It makes me feel limited, like I’ll only have time to get stuff done, play, explore, shop, whatever – during the weekend, which makes me think the weekend is FULL with no time to relax and enjoy myself. Maybe that’s not an issue with everyone, but for me, if I perceive my weekend is full and booked and all-too-busy, I end up getting nothing done. Internally I feel disorganized, scattered, overwhelmed by the idea that there’s so much I want to do and so little time to do it, which results in getting almost nothing actually DONE.

Then the week starts again and the darkness at the start and end of my day, and the Winter Rut deepens.

Sometimes I like the darkness – especially when it’s really cold, if there’s snow outside, or a serious chill or wind storm – the darkness is comforting, enveloping, a warm blanket at the end of a busy day.

Other times, like this past week, it’s depressing, intrusive, oppressive and just puts me out of sorts.  I had a million things I wanted to get done this weekend, and accomplished one of them.  The darkness wasn’t only to blame, there was a lunch date with friends that had already been put off two weekends in a row – there was an equipment snafu that I didn’t have time to fix, and there was some seriously blah weather.

Today, instead of working on some of those unfinished issues and equipment snafu’s, I’m sitting on the couch watching football, feeling a tad ill, slightly anxious, and wishing it was Friday already.

Thus has been my weekend.  I’m hoping my sister will get an interview call on Monday, so I’ll spend my day on pins and needles waiting to hear from her about that – the results of which will set the mood for the rest of the week. But I have high hopes.

You gotta have hope, eh?

And Rum.  You gotta have rum.

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