Slip-Slidin’ away

Silk sheets are one of those things I’ve always wanted to try, but never had. Until this last weekend. My sister and I had gone out to dinner Friday, celebrating — well, Friday — and after dinner we wandered over to the local mall to have a walk-about. It was there, while looking for a new pair of jeans, when we noticed some silk sheets on sale.

Knowing the temperatures were going to head up over the 90’s for the weekend, we decided now was as good a time as any to give silk sheets a try. After all, anything that smooth and silky had to be cooler than regular cotton sheets, right?

So we each bought a set, and that night put them on our respective beds.

Right away, with just the fitted sheet on, I can feel how cool and sleek and nice these sheets are going to be, although I joke that when the cats jump up there, they’re going to slide all the way off.

I get the top sheet on, and it’s slipping all around. I’m not one who tucks in her sheets, mostly because I like to hang my feet out if I get hot, and tucking sheets and blankets in all the time is just more work than I care for. So this top sheet is sliding and slipping all around, but I get it in place, then add the pillow case and step back to admire my work.

These sheets are very shiny, and since it’s far too hot for any blankets, the sheets are all I’m seeing on the bed.

Did I mention I got zebra print? My sister went with a nice creamy off-white, but not me. Nope. I went all out with the zebra print.

Shimmering silk zebra-print sheets. My room looks like a whorehouse now. But by God, it’s gonna be a cooler, more comfortable whorehouse!

So Friday night, it’s 89 degrees outside. The inside of my house is roughly the same temperature as the surface of Mars. I go to bed on top of amazing, cool, sleek, comfortable whorehouse sheets. I think I got about ten minutes of sleep the whole night, but that’s ten minutes I wouldn’t have gotten on hot, stuffy cotton sheets.

Those sheets saw some action, too! Every time I rolled over, that top sheet would slide effortlessly to the floor. I’d reach down and pick it back up, push it all back into place, only to repeat that over and over throughout the night.

At one point my cats finally came in and after some inspecting of the new slippery surface, planted themselves squarely in the center, effectively pinning down the sleek sheet and keeping it from sliding off the bed altogether.

That left me free to pick up my pillow. Every time I grabbed hold of it and tried to give it a bit of fluffing, the damn thing flew across the fitted sheet like a greased pig.

By Saturday night, I figured I was getting the hang of it.

I’d tucked in the end of the sheet, hoping to stabilize it enough to keep it on the bed, at least, and the cats came in right away, to do their part in holding down the corners.

That is, until one of them slid right off the bed.

I didn’t see it happen, and if you were to ask him, I’m sure he’d deny it, probably claim I pushed him. You know how cats are. But I can say that one minute he was walking over my leg, the next minute, thud.

Took the sheet with him, too, but that was okay ‘cause I was busy feeling around the floor for my pillow.

Well last night I think I finally got the hang of it. I switched out my silk pillow case for the standard cotton. Now when I roll over, I can give that sucker a punch-n-fluff and not send it sailing across the room. The top sheet is still exploring my bedroom, but it’s been so hot at night I find the cooling breeze across my exposed legs rather refreshing.

Plus I’m hoping when this heat wave subsides, I can add a blanket to the top of all this slippery zebra-stripped whorehouse-ness and keep them at least in the vicinity of the bed during the night.

That’s my plan, anyway. These silk sheets have a learning curve, but I think I’ll get the hang of it. They definitely feel cooler on hot nights, and my cats finally got the hang of this new indoor waterless slip-n-slide, they were having a party in there by yesterday afternoon.

I wonder what would happen if I added silk pajamas . . .

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