On account of the Boobies

I hate heat waves.

Granted, I’m not on the East Coast, and I’m sure as hell not in Arizona, but we’re having our own little heat wave up here. Yesterday it was 94, today’s hovering around 96, tomorrow should be 94 again, with a slow decline through the weekend back to our typical – and far more comfortable – highs of 74.

But today, it’s gonna hit 96 easy.  Feels like 115.

I’m not complaining, as such.

Well no, I am.

I am complaining. But it’s because we don’t have AC at work, and I don’t have AC at home either. Sure, there’s AC in my car, but getting a solid 6-7 hours of sleep while driving is harder than it sounds, and believe me, I’ve tried.

The office is tolerable, until I have to go outside in the sun and heat – after being out there for a bit, coming back inside is miserable, and then I’m hot and crabby for the rest of my day.

But the worst of it – the bit that only women (and men sporting a solid set of Moobs) understand – is the sweat and constant discomfort only a bra can create. You guys have it so easy. If you get truly miserable, you can peel off that shirt in a shady spot somewhere and cool down, maybe strip to your waist and stand in fountain, get all nice and misty.

Bastards.

We’ve gotta sit at our desks, or stand at our jobs, fully covered and strapped in, with a tight band of elastic running around our bodies (or a wire!) and cotton or spandex clinging tightly to our chests. We can’t just whip’em out and cool off during break, or frollick in a fountain on our lunch hour. (without being arrested, that is).

Nooo, we gotta wear this friggin’ things all day long, sweating and itching and feeling miserable until we finally get off work and can get home and get these damn things off! (the bras, not the boobs – although some of you do have removable boobs and I’m so jealous right now!)

Taking these things off (again, the bras, not the boobs) drops the body temp — or at least the perception of body temp — by a good ten degrees. That, plus the slight breeze caused by the swing of these now free-to-romp tatas is heaven-sent. Yes, you can put the bra and panties in the freezer overnight, but that coolness doesn’t last very long after you get them back on again.

And YOU think we’re pissy from hormones!

It’s the HEAT! I’d like to strap one of these things on some of you guys and make you wear it under your shirt all day long, in the heat – see how “hormonal” you get.

And it’s all your fault. We’d be happy if we could cool off in public now and then. Maybe take off our shirts at work, or stand in a fountain during lunch, while our tops stay dry on the park bench. But Noooo.

Sheesh

SOMEBODY BRING ME SOME ICE!

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