brief interlude

A foodie, I am not.  I have a niece who is so adventurous, she’ll try anything at least once, no matter how disgusting it might sound, but me – well, I’m so lactose intolerant I’ve been known to shout at cows. Whenever you’re sensitive or allergic to a food group, you have to be paranoid about what you eat.

You’d be surprised what you can find when you read the ingredients of things.

So it’s no surprise that I don’t try a whole lot of new stuff without careful thought, but when it comes to coffee – I’m standing in line to try anything new.

Which brings me to this morning – one of my coworkers has been brewing up this little concoction at home, he calls liquid gold.  I’m not exactly sure WHAT it is, but he claims it’s the best cup of coffee on the face of the earth. Says he cold brews this stuff at home, and then it’s stored in the fridge, and used as a “starter” that he adds to hot cups of water.

Well, he’d been bragging about this stuff for weeks, so this morning when he offered to make me “the best cup of coffee you’ve ever tasted”, how could I say no? Sure, I’m a tea drinker – but unlike some tea drinkers, I’m also a massive coffee snob. It doesn’t have to be Starbucks, but if it came from a can, you can just turn right around, Mister!

Anyway, I say yes, and he takes my cup to his little private laboratory (his office) and brings me back this cup of what appears to be coffee. He tells me it’ll be the best thing I’ve ever had – he uses cream, but since I swear at cows, I just added some sugar. 

When I stirred it, it sorta foamed up in a strange way, but then settled right down. He’d left, so it’s not like I had to pretend to be awed when I drank it, so I sat down, pushed my own cup of Joe aside, and picked up my cup.  The next five minutes went as follows:

Sip 1: Interesting flavor, not sure what to make of it.

Sip 2: It has a sort of odd lightness that I wasn’t expecting, and an almost smokey taste.

Sip 3: This is definitely not coffee. It’s exotic, and interesting, but there is nothing truly coffee about this flavor

Sip 4: I think I like it. It’s not coffee, but it’s interesting – I think I want to like it.

Sip 5: Yes, exotic is the word. I want to like this. It’s just so “different” and interesting. I really do think, maybe, I could like this.  Sort of.

Sip 6: Yanno, this tastes rather like goat spit.

Sip 7: This is disgusting goat spit coffee! Oh my god, it’s awful! Do I have llama poo in my teeth? Gawd!

After that, this “best cup of coffee you’ve ever tasted” went down the sink, and I washed my mouth out with my own cup of Peets French Roast.


Power to People!

Make Love, not War!

Do I have llama poo in my teeth? Honestly?

4 thoughts on “brief interlude

  1. Oddly enough, despite being lactose intolerant, despite discovering this summer that there is some substance — still unidentified — that gives me a horrible case of the hives, complete with itching and huge raised welts, that I am still adventurous in what I eat. And I don’t read labels because, well, I don’t KNOW what I’m allergic too and I’m too lazy to go see a specialist, despite the warnings that the next time my throat could swell up and I could die.

    I guess I like living on the edge and not being bothered. 🙂

    Did you ever find out what the name of the goat spit was?

  2. It’s been said sociopaths (aka Co-Workers) have been known to…um…use llama whiz (not necessarily obtained from llamas) to spike other sociopaths (aka Co-Workers) beverages.

    Or, perhaps, it’s this method being used:

    In any event, MisterBastard would have balked at the sight of fizzing. Fizzing is a bad sign. Unless MisterBastard serves you coffee. Then drink right up. And don’t ask why MisterBastard is smirking.

    You don’t want to know. Really.

  3. Ahh, that’s what he used ! He did call it a “Toddy” once. I can only hope it wasn’t really Llama piss, but I have to admit, I’ve tasted cat piss, dog piss, cow piss, horse piss … not on PURPOSE, you understand 😀

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